MIKERIOSISAWHORE.COM

CERTIFIED BADASS

2011-07-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

How best to sum up my girlfriend?... ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT BADASS (just look at the photo above if you don't believe me). We had an inside joke between the two of us, that as of this blog post was just between the two of us. You see, in addition to being crazy awesome she’s also my “White Whale”. Now, before you furrow your eyebrows at me in a fit of rage, as she did the first time I called her that, let me explain my pet name for her to you.

When we first started dating, almost 2 years ago, I teasingly told her that she was my "White Whale.” As you can imagine, that didn't go over very well at first. As I tried explaining it to her, “like Ahab you are my White Whale.” To which she quickly and tersely retorted, "You mean I'm like the whale in Moby Dick?!? You DO know Moby Dick Drowned Ahab at the end of “Moby Dick”, right?" To which I replied back, “Yes, exactly, and not unlike like Ahab I guess you could say that I’m drowning in a vast sea made entirely out of your love” (smooth, I know, still it quickly diffused the situation).

Rather than being a white “whale” as we colloquially and colorfully refer to people of a certain body type, I was trying to make both a metaphorical simile to Ahab and his quest for the fabled white whale and a play off of the fact that like that famous literary mammal she’s precisely that, white. You see, my girlfriend is white, red headed, and freckly. She possesses the holy trinity of physical qualities desired by men of high melatonin counts. She is the whitest of the white people as far as my ethnic ass is concerned, and as a result that much more desirable. She is a rarity awash in a sea devoid of any real color (both literally and figuratively). Unlike Captain Ahab and his quest for revenge, I had been on a quest for love and in my own clumsy way I was trying to tell her that she was my white whale. She was the one I had been on the hunt for up until then.

Given time, this idea of the white whale changed while in my head. As an artist you can only imagine that this figurative idea soon began to take on a literal shape, and eventually appeared in sketch form. Since I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that NO ONE thinks a sperm whale is cute it only seemed natural that she should manifest as a narwhal when finally sketched; which is white, technically a whale, I think safe to say cute, and super rare (think "unicorn of the sea"). What started as a pet name then started to appear at random on napkins and “to-go boxes” from restaurants we had just finished dining at. For a good while our meals weren’t complete until a narwhal had made an appearance across some Styrofoam box charged with ferrying smelly curry or tacos home from a restaurant with us.

Before I knew it our first Valentine’s Day was upon us. Unemployed and strapped for cash at the time, I decided to make her something and what better than the White Whale in plush form? With all of that in mind, let me take a moment to preface my choice in costuming for the finished plush. Around the time I had made her the plush she had a olive colored coat that she loved and wore frequently. She also had a penchant for sending me funny pictures of herself, one in which she was wearing a green mask she had made. This all gave me a idea for two alter ego’s for the plush. By day in her Olive green coat she’s a Fabulous Graphic Designer (fact: by day she’s actually a fabulous graphic designer), while at night in her caped outfit she’s a Super Sassy Heroine (this is pure speculation on my part: she may actually be a Super Sassy Heroine by night for all I know, I can neither confirm nor deny this...)!

Fast forward to about 6 weeks ago while helping her pack for her fellowship in Washington DC, when we happened upon the plush I had made her for Valentine’s Day and the mask she had worn in the photo she’d sent me a picture of that had served as it’s inspiration. Throwing it in my bag, I informed her that we’d be having a photo shoot with it all before she left. As you can tell from the impromptu photo gallery below and all that I've I said above, my girlfriend is ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT BADASS, deal with it.

Why really decent artists sometime make really pathetic sad art…

2009-03-02T17:24:00.000-08:00

More than ever, today I feel like the weather outside. I’ve cried probably 10 times since last night, I know real manly… but it’s true. Let me just say that last night was the worst night I’ve had in long time. I still really feel hurt, a lot like a jerk, and a little like an ass almost twenty four hours later. I mean, I’m fucking thirty years old, and still can’t escape this feeling that I’m destined to stay the loser sophomore I was in High School trying to ask the hottest girl in school out whenever I find myself really interested in a girl. I’ve been crushing on this particular girl (woman) for the last month or so. She’s the first girl I’ve really liked in a long long time (three or so years, but who’s counting) since the break-up with my ex…

I met her with a really good friend at his (now) girlfriend’s house about a month ago. At the time my friend and his girlfriend weren’t dating, and were still in the “feeling each other out phase” of their relationship. We went over there that night to her house after eating and drinking a little at another mutual friend’s house (who was there with us) so they could hang out. The only sober one there, I was also the designated Driver (I volunteered, there was no way I was going to let one of them drive in their state) that night. There were five of us in total (four guys and one girl) all in her kitchen playing “Dreamphone” at two thirty in the morning (because her other roommate was upstairs trying to sleep, and that’s what they wanted to do). As you can imagine it was a blast being the only sober one trying to play “Dreamphone” with four drunken people on the floor of a strange girl’s cold kitchen (/end sarcasm)! Quickly turning into a bust of a night for me, I was at that point eagerly awaiting a cue from one of the other two guys to signal us to leave. We really wanted my friend to hook-up, or whatever it was that he was going to do that night, with his now girlfriend. Well at about three in the morning her other roommate got home after driving their mutual friends home. Poking her head into the kitchen to see what I’m sure she thought to be a huge commotion, I first saw her, and wow... As cliché as it all may sound it was like time slowed down in a bad teen movie or Romantic Comedy as the camera focused on the lead while pushing everything else out of focus as she walked into her kitchen and sat with us. Quickly introducing herself she tried to begin to play “Dreamphone” with us, which they’d all really stopped playing a long time ago…

After an awkward pause, she ran off and got “Taboo” so that we could play that instead (and not destroy what I assume to be her childhood “Dreamphone” board game). While all of that was happening the others lost whatever little bit of focus and composure they’d gained when she initially entered the room. When she came back in she had “Taboo" under her arm ready to play, unfortunately in that moment in time everyone else had degenerated back into incoherent ramblings again, or at least that’s all I heard... Sitting down next to me, she and I quickly began to talk, and engaged in a two person game of “Taboo” for the next twenty minutes or so. I can’t relate exactly what it was about her, or what it is that makes her tick, but it really made me smile. I really felt like I clicked with that girl like I’ve never clicked with any one else before, kind of like I saw her and she saw me if that makes any sense.

She also has the best smile I’ve ever seen. It felt like I’d never seen a smile before as I watched her smile over and over again. I mean, yeah, sure I’ve seen people smile before, and I smile all of the time, it’s just that it felt like everyone else in the world had been doing it wrong up to that point... Lost in the glow of her smile I had what felt like a epiphany at that moment and thought “this is how God had intended us to smile! (honestly)” I’ve never seen a smile quite like hers. Watching her smile over and over again I then tried to dissect it and noticed that it started in her big brown beautiful eyes (which showed a deep bright shining intelligence behind them), quickly spread to her crinkling nose, and ended with her mouth as her lips kind of effortlessly slid off of her perfect white teeth to reveal her warm soul. That was what it was that she was doing that I’ve rarely ever seen anyone else do, and so effortlessly without a trace of artifice or pretension... She was smiling with her soul, and I have to say it was the brightest, warmest, and most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen. I later told her at karaoke about a week later how much I liked her smile (in many many more words)… It didn’t come out quite like I put it up there, and I’m sure it sounded just like she’s heard it from a ton of other guys. Anyways, it was at that moment in time that I realized that I really liked this girl. Here I was "Mr. Mouth", afraid to speak my mind and say something I might regret later (which I never do), and for the first time in a long long long time lost for words... She also really challenged my beliefs about something inconsequential while karaoking, but still she did it and I took notice. In the matter of two meetings there I was reduced to a awkward sophmore in High School again…

Now understand that I hate the little man that lives inside of me (in the pit of my stomach) and pulls my heartstrings (among many other strings). I really feel like he can’t be trusted and more often than not has gotten me into a lot of trouble, and this time was no exception. Feeling myself liking her more and more the more we hung out together I kind of had to put the breaks on to make sure that it was real and not another crush… I got sick last week (which helped, and prevented me from hanging out with them all) and even after I felt better, I avoided hanging out with them until I knew inside for sure how I felt about her. Planning on doing a big dinner for them all for the last week or so, while doing some stuff over at their house I planned on laying it all out on Sunday (no pressure right?).

Last night was the big night and I spent all Saturday and most of Sunday morning preparing a huge meal. I even went out and bought her flowers. While doing all of this I felt deep down inside like I was setting myself up to fail, had I let my chance pass? As I told the little man inside me to "shut up" again I went over and did my thing. As I was repairing one of their dining room chairs my good friend, who was over hanging out with his now girlfriend, pulled me aside and told me that he thought it wasn’t a good idea to go through with it all. Nonplussed, I asked him why and he proceeded to tell me that our mutual friend that met her the first night we all came over went out with them last night and made out with her…

Anyways as you can imagine things went about as well as you can expect with all of that. It was a pretty horrible day for me. I immediately got mad at my friend for telling me that, and was confused if he was coming to me as my friend, or our other 'friend’s' friend. I felt lame and immediately wanted to leave, but tried to tough it out (I made it until a little after 8pm). When she got there (oh, yeah she was off visiting family on Sunday) I was super charming again, I’m sure. Lost for words, and super uncomfortable in my own skin I know I just mostly mumbled, and didn’t make much eye contact when she attempted to engage me in conversation. How could I? I felt like a total tool... Making matters worst she called and invited the friend she’d made out with the night before over. We (the friend and I) later left the dinner party and had a ‘talk’. The friend really hurt me, and regardless of what he says it still felt a little dirty. He knew how I felt, and did his thing anyways (power to them, who am I to stand between two people who have feelings for each other), but who’s really to blame here, him, or my indecisiveness?... (edited 3/3/09)

I lost it leaving for my car last night while being consoled by my other friend who was there (I really tried for the first time in years), and have mostly been a mopey mess all day today. Feeling like I had to do something with myself I did the illustration I included at the very top of this blog post, which I feel isn’t very good and kind of pathetic, which I’ll attribute to everything that happened last night, but illustrates how I feel perfectly. Whatever the case, this isn’t the first time I’ve done illustrations like this. After I broke up with my ex I did a series of etchings, which I’ve scanned and included below. I’ll try to be more adventurous in the future, I guess, however it’s hard when you’ve been hurt this many times, and are so guarded and cautious…

Diagnosis: Over Developed Heart

Dance Monkey Boy! Dance!

Meet Clammy!

2009-02-23T22:14:00.000-08:00

That’s actually a plush I made of one of the many misfit characters I’ve created that I’ll be showcasing at my graduation show this coming August. I’m currently in the long long process of having him turned into a walkaround mascot (there’s a fucked up story there that if you’re at all interested in hearing I can share with you over a drink sometime), not unlike what you’d see at Disneyland or any other major theme park for pictures with people the day of the show! He originally started out as a doodle that I eventually made a quick little comic about around Valentines Day last year that you can see below.

At the time I did that strip I was taking this class called Illustration for Publishing in which we had to do a weekly comic strip. I was getting flack from one of the instructors of the class for not doing projects that were more “personal” in nature, I don’t know exactly how, but Clammy kind of came back out of me again at the time in the form of that week's weekly comic. Like I said, it was around Valentines Day, and I was still dealing with the break up with the most serious girlfriend I feel I’ve ever had, and felt especially raw inside at the time because of Valentines Day. Anyways, I’m just now barely starting to feel ok again in my own skin nearly 3 years after the break-up. I felt like a real monster at the time that I drew the strip, and to a large extent still feel a little like an unlovable monster… Anyways, it was one of those really traumatic break-ups that cause a sea change in you (I really felt like I could have married her). Not to sound mellow dramatic or anything, but she really broke my heart. In fact, I sometimes wake up in a panic attack afraid it was the greatest love I’ve ever had, or will have.

I had a fevered dream with my ex in it shortly after I did that strip, that kind of serves as the story you’re seeing here portrayed in the colored panels from an unfinished book I started (called “JOURNEY” that stars “Clammy”, and is admittedly semi-autobiographical that I’m sure made the instructor happy). I then extended and continued that same story into the rough cut of the experimental animation short I did (below) with my buddy Josh Patterson a couple of months ago. Mind you, the aspect ratio on the video below is all screwed up, and we’re currently working on editing together a final cut of this short with the correct aspect ratio that will have a couple of filmed shots that are currently missing from this cut, as well as some post effects.

I still really feel deep down inside a lot like an unlovable loser monster after all of this time, explaining the characters unchanged design. Like so many other people, I too have spent a lot of time building barriers around myself, which also explains Clammy’s shell which I think is a little hideous and kind of funny looking (someone’s got self esteem issues huh?). The outer clam shell is a metaphor for the aforementioned barrier I’ve personally erected around myself to both protect myself, and to keep women out. Like everyone else, I let my guard down to expose my true self to her, only to get really hurt. When that happened, I exposed what I felt to be this even more hideous, flayed, and soft interior… Definitely not easy, and not without it’s own set of risks, because the second you put your guard down for the sake of love you leave yourself exposed, naked, and vulnerable; as everyone well knows... Am I better for it? I don't know, definitely more cautious.

Whatever the case, here he his! He's as "personal" as my current work is going to get, so be sure to treat him good and to look out for him this August amongst all of my other work at my graduation show!

Did you hear the Call?…

2009-02-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know I’m a little late to the party on this one, but has everyone else been as pleasantly surprised by the Presidential Election and it’s results up until now as I've been?... I have to pre-face this all by saying that Obama wasn’t my initial choice as a candidate for the Office of President during the primaries. I really favored John Edward as the DNC’s candidate. At the time of the primaries, I couldn’t help but feel that John Edward had a more defined and better informed platform to run on is all, as well as a good plan for healthcare reform (which I still think is extremely important). After the primaries and throughout the campaign as I watched the debates and some of Obama’s speeches, I couldn’t help but think to myself “this guy will be ok…” while still thinking that his whole “HOPE/CHANGE” platform/advertisement campaign/thing that he was running his bid for the Presidency on was bit hokey, if not a bit empty on details or how exactly it was that he was planning on affecting and achieving all this “CHANGE” he was talking about. Knowing all this, I have to say that I never would have voted for McCain this past election. Given my choices, I happily voted for Obama on the day of the election.

Well, fast forward to today and several weeks into his Presidency, and I can’t help but be all smiles. Watching his speech the day of the election I couldn’t help but cry. I balled like a little girl that day, as well as the day he was sworn in. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that there is a doubt in anyone’s mind that the man is a master of the oratory arts, but in all seriousness it wasn’t until that moment in time that I realized just how much hope it was that I really had lost in the last 4 years of Bush’s Presidency. Listening to his speech, I felt proud for the first time in a long long long time to be an American, not that it clouded and consumed all of my thoughts up until then. It’s just that, well, deep down inside in the course of his speech he was able to fish some feelings out of me that I hadn’t ever been asked to face, or that I ever even knew I had or felt deep down inside, namely shame... As lame as it all sounds I really had lost a lot of hope and faith in my great Country, a Country that had allowed my Grandparents (a dishwasher and a homemaker) to come over from Mexico and make a better life for my parents and me. A country that has given me so many liberties, many of which I commonly take for granted day in and day out. Liberties, I didn’t even realize I had to begin with and unknowingly took for granted until I returned from my deployment in the Middle East in early 2002. Hell, I’ll just say it, I don’t think I’ve ever felt that much pride in America while still enlisted in the Army for those four years. Trust me when I say there were moments in my life during my 4 year enlistment that I felt that little wiley tickle haired troll swell in the pit of my stomach.

Anyways, as I experienced all of those feelings, it was at that same moment in time during his acceptance speech that it finally dawned on me just how it was that he was planning on achieving all of this “CHANGE” he had been talking about throughout his campaign! Call me slow, or smart, but it finally occurred to me that it was a proverbial “call to arms”… He was challenging me, you, and everyone else you know to make a change. If I really want change, I first have to change. It’s beautiful and profound in its simplicity. Gone are the big spending and selfishness of the 80’s and 90’s that put us in this predicament. What had happened to the America from 50’s sitcoms? What had happened to the America that looked after its neighbors and brothers? We’d all changed and turned our collective backs on it, and each other to a larger extent. Whatever the case, are you onboard? You can count me in, well with the exception of the whole “cynic” thing that he touched on in both speeches. I firmly believe, like everything else in life, that everything is good in moderation. I’m a little cynical, and plan to stay that way irregardless of what President Obama says. Imagine that, in times of unabashed “HOPE”, someone with the audacity of cynicism?!?

Only because of ALL THE OTHER Douche Bags have one…

2008-11-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

So, a few months ago I had this class called “Drawing Concepts” taught by Rob Clayton. One of the required assignments he gave us last term to do was a propaganda art piece. At about the same time that he assigned us this project, I noticed that Apple was about to release their 3G iPhone. A bit of a tech head, I immediately chose this as the topic for my propaganda assignment. Thinking long and hard I knew I had to somehow cheaply make a bunch of iPhones, and then distribute them. Long story short, I intentionally designed and made a badly drawn papercraft iPhone 3G which (I tried as much as I could to make look like a lumpy potato, yet still be identifiable as a iPhone, much to Jonathan Ives chagrin I’m sure) I then proceeded to cheaply mass-produce it at my local Kinkos on the worst B&W copier I could find. I initially printed out about 50 of them on matte card stock, and constructed them when I got home with scissors and Elmer’s Glue. I then went to my local Starbucks, where I promptly put them up on Starbuck's retail wall, and sat back and watched as hilarity ensued.

Fast forward to today. I hadn’t honestly given the project any thought since then, that is until I was over a friends house the other day and all she could talk about was the iPhone 3G and how all her friends had one, and how she just HAD to have one now as well… It turns out I had a couple of these paper iPhones still left over in my car from the assignment and gave her one. I told her to just put her existing phone in it, and then she’d as cool as her friends! As a result of our conversation after that, I then started to notice everyone and their iPhones. Well, not just everyone, mostly just douche bags fingering their iPhones every where I went (is it just me, or is playing with a iPhone in public the contemporary equivalent/spiritual successor to picking ones nose in public? No? It’s just me I know; still they are pretty snotty if you ask me. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)…

Any whooo, in these uncertain economic times don’t cave into peer pressure! I have the answer to your problem (or “friends problem” if that make you feel better)! Just click on the photo above and drag and drop the full sized picture onto your desktop, then take it to your local Kinkos to print it out (on matte card stock paper on the worst B&W printer available, of course) like I did, and TADA! You too can now be the owner of a brand new iPhone at a fraction of a percentage of the cost you would of spent on the *real* deal! Not only that, but afterwards you can then claim that yours is ALL American made, and with about the same amount of care and hi-quality materials that go into the *real* deal! Don’t be the last Douche bag on your block to have one, get them while they're HAWT!

Whatever the case, or however you decide to use it/them (give them to family or friends as gag gifts!), be sure to keep your eyes on this blog because I plan on posting more printable/do it yourself stuff/crafts that I’ve made that you can then either print or reproduce yourself at NO CHARGE TO YOU! I’ll try to do something fun like this once every 2 weeks or so… Until then here are some words of wisdom to live by either with a iPhone or sans one, try not to be a Douche Bag kids.

Pterodactyl Ptwins Sighting!

2008-11-03T22:05:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to let you all know that I spotted the Pterodactyl Ptwins on Halloween. They were out and about spreading their message of love and acceptance for people of all sexual orientations! Keep your eyes on the skies tomorrow for streams of rainbows and Pterodactyls! I’m including some photographic evidence of their existence for those of you in doubt. In addition to the photo I've included in this post, which chronicles their exploits and misadventures that night, I've included a scan of the flyer they were handing out to anyone sober (or drunk) enough to listen on Halloween last night… ;p

Seriously, and for Realz?..

2008-11-03T21:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, let me start out with some disclaimers:

1⁾ I actually live in Simi Valley, and not in LA like the “about me” portion of my blog actually states (I KNOW Simi Valley’s not technically IN LA proper, but try to understand it’s just outside of LA. Anyways, when I tell people that I’m from “Simi Valley” people have a tendency of looking at me with what could best be described as a glazed over wide eyed blank expression mingled with a, “Are you fucking crazy talking about Never Never Land kind of face.” So yeah, for all practical purposes I'm from LA, moving on…).

2) I don’t practice or claim an allegiance to ANY religion.

3) I’m also pretty liberal (understatement of the century…).

On a side note: I’m pretty sure that if you take the 3 aforementioned qualities above and put them together, you would have what I’m sure many in Simi Valley would consider the unholy trinity of qualities that is unacceptable for any true red blooded denizen of Simi Valley to possess. I’m also pretty sure that if I went around telling everyone in Simi Valley that I was all of the above, a torch and pitch fork wielding mob would quickly form around me that would quickly hold me down and strip me of all of my clothes in order to examine my body for the mark of the beast…

4) I’m also very opinionated and have a big mouth (which more often than not has gotten me into trouble in the past…).

5) I’m straight, contrary to what most people in Simi believe, I can’t count on all of my fingers how many people that frequented the bank in Simi that I used to work at thought that I was “gay” because of all the multicolored shirts I wore while in the banks employ… Seriously, can I help it if I look damn good in pink or teal? And just for the record, wearing pink does not make you gay (just incase you were in doubt)!…

6) I also firmly believe in equal rights for all; including the right for Gays, Lesbians, and Transgender individuals to marry one another… which I guess leads me to the topic of this blog post.

So… as you may or may not know we’re coming to the end of a heated election year this fall. One of the controversial Propositions on the ballet this year is Prop 8, which would amend California’s State Constitution to ban Gay Marriage, effectively making it illegal for people of the same sex to marry one another… I don’t know what it’s like to live in other towns or cities in Southern California, but here in Simi it’s interesting to say the least…

Ok, let me elaborate. I’ve lived in Simi Valley since the 8^th grade and (with the exception of the four years I spent on the East Coast and abroad while enlisted in the U.S. Army) now claim it as home, for better or worse. Like any other place on this green earth, Simi Valley definitely has it pluses and minuses. Simi is small (when I say small, I mean small, think “Mayberry” from The Andy Griffith Show small). It’s so small that I easily know at least 300 people from town on a first and last name basis small, seriously... Since I’m in the unique position to live as close to LA as I do, and regularly have to commute to LA for school, I can recognize and appreciate the special intimacy Simi Valley and all of its denizens share with one another. I’ll be the first to admit that this is nice, and likely not something many people from LA can claim. Simi is also super safe, with a lower than average crime rate. Simi is also a great place to raise kids and have a family. Simi is as close to Norman Rockwell anywhere small town America values and ideals that you can get without getting into a DeLorean and going eighty-eight miles into the past. Actually, while on the subject of time travel, if I had to describe Simi I’d say it was stuck in the past in a time bubble or something, and this is where a lot of the bad that I mentioned above starts to come in. Simi is predominantly white (not necessarily a bad thing, but when you consider that I was one of only a handful of Mexicans enrolled in the schools that I went to school in Simi while growing up, while considering how close to LA Simi is… Well you get the idea…). Simi is also very conservative (read: Republican, HELLO, we have the Ronald Reagan Library in Simi after all…). Simi is also pretty “hardcore” Christian and Mormon (we’re talking Christian Mafia or Christian Coalition “hardcore” here).

From personal experience it pains me to inform you that a lot of people from Simi can also be pretty racist and a little red behind the neck (these two things kind of go arm in arm in my opinion). My cousin, from the San Fernando Valley, probably puts it best when she often teasingly and eloquently tells me, “Mike, you live in Redneck Valley”. In addition to being rednecks, the people in Simi can also be pretty intolerant and politically incorrect when directly compared to what the perceived attitude the rest of California’s population is “supposed to have”. Recently, I had an experience that really affected me (I wasn’t able to sleep for days on end because I was so mad) and informed the subject and topic of my current work while also negatively coloring my outlook and perception of people in general. How exactly, I’ll talk about specifically in a later blog post as it directly relates to my upcoming body of work, I promise…

I was at a local bar with my Sister on a karaoke night about a year ago. I have to say that my sister and I don’t take our Karaoke very seriously, and can often subsequently be found goofing around on stage wildly singing odd loud songs in what we think is funny falsetto’s on karaoke nights. Karaoke allows us (ok, mostly me) to sing songs with weird sounds and verses in them, on a stage, in public for what I could best describe as a relatively captive audience, perverse I know. Anyways, I guess, what I’m saying is that when we karaoke we don’t treat it like a serious “American Idol audition”. Anyways, on that particular night we had the misfortune of running into this rube from Texas who now lived in Simi Valley. It was very apparent from the beginning that he had intentions for my sister, unfortunately for him she wanted nothing to do with him, and rightfully so… I’m not sure what he was thinking that night, however he definitely had it in for me too, but in a different way. All through out the night he kept cornering me and giving me ‘compliments’ that were obviously meant to be put downs (some would call them "back handed compliments") like , “You sound just like a girl when you sing…” He basically tried all night to desperately start a fight with me, which I deftly managed to avoid all night. Why he wanted to fight me, I don’t know, though if I had to guess I’d guess it was because he thought I was gay, seriously. I think this, because as we were getting ready to leave the bar for the night he followed us outside and preceded to drunkenly tell my sister and I matter of factly in his thick Texan accent that “I’m training to be a paramedic and I hate niggers and faggots, and would let them die if I had to help them.” Speechless, dumbfounded, and feeling myself getting angry I turned on the balls of my feet and left. Nothing more, northing less happened. What do you say to that?

What does all of this have to do with Prop 8, Simi Valley, and me?... Well, much to my chagrin it’s getting harder and harder to go anywhere in Simi Valley with out running into people on street corners with signs supporting Prop 8. Excluding my trips to Starbucks to get a cup coffee from time to time (which I don’t really count as public interactions) I rarely venture out into Simi Valley and interact with the community anymore. I’m now almost always locked up at home working on something or in the Pasadena/LA area doing something work or school related. So, imagine my surprise when I first heard about these people out in public supporting Prop 8 from my sister about a week ago… I honestly thought she was over reacting, like she often does with everything else, but after a trip to our local Target last weekend it quickly became apparent that she wasn’t. It’s ridiculous the amount of sign slinging people they now have here in sleepy little Simi Valley (though not surprising when you consider all I mentioned above). I now literally can’t drive down the street with out seeing them on a corner. I’m almost at my breaking point. It seriously makes my blood boil to see the amount of vitriol and hate out there being pushed by these people.

I almost flipped my wig on Monday. I went to Jo-Anne’s to get fabric for my Halloween costume and noticed a group of them on the corner with signs. I then had to drive to the mall (god, I hate the mall) to get my wireless mouse fixed at the Apple store where I also noticed a group of them rallying on the corner. I then drove to my local Gamestop to pick up my copy of “Little Big Planet” (a new PS3 game that I’ve been waiting for) where I also saw a group of them there on the corner rallying support for Prop 8 too... See a pattern emerging here? Whatever the case, It was the worst there I think. What made it worse for me was the fact that these people had their kids out there with them holding signs. When I say kids, I mean four and five year old kids... What business does a five year old have with all this? What type of message are they sending their kids? Look, I don’t have kids and don’t presume to know anything about raising a child, nor do I feel the need to tell others how to raise their kids, however what’s the sense in bringing a four and five year old kid there with them? I can only imagine the way that conversation went with those little four and five year olds. While sickening, I was even more sickened by all of the teenagers there dancing around holding signs on the intersections. You’d think they were out there drumming up support for a local church car wash! I couldn’t help but wonder if they understood the implications of their actions?

Like I said above, I’m straight, and in my life I’ve been fortunate enough to meet and interact with some truly exceptional people from all walks of life, including some extraordinary Gay people. Gay people are like you or me, however they have what I believe to be a biological predilection to be attracted to people of the same sex. They do not have a choice in this, unlike what people on that side of the argument will try to argue with you otherwise. This I’m afraid is the cornerstone and foundation of the argument these types of people will tell you to try to convince you to vote yes on Prop 8 with, well, that and the whole bible and God ‘thing’. Like I mentioned above, I don’t believe in God, so basing an argument on a specific faith and it's dogmatic beliefs like this, that affects a particular minorities civil rights, which I don’t share (/believe) with them is a mute point as far as I’m concerned. I’ve yet to hear a valid argument based on things like reason and logic from anyone on that side of the argument that’s convinced me otherwise.

A little sick of the situation, and proverbially hitting my “breaking point” as it were, I walked to the corner with the rallyers on it from the Gamestop with my digital camera in hand, with the intention of snapping up some photos of the kids I mentioned above holding signs for this blog post. I imagined a picture of little children with little horns and swastikas drawn on them crudely with a pen, sporting a thought bubble stating something lame like “Jr. Fascist of America in training”, or something like that accompanying this blog as a illustration. No sooner had I walked to the corner than had I run into a family I knew pretty well holding posters and rallying… I won’t name the family by name, but up until that point I thought they were pretty decent. Seeing them there, I felt my resolve deflate. After an awkward conversation (on my end anyways) I meekly snapped some photos and walked away defeated. You see they have a son with special needs, hell I’ll just say it… he’s mentally retarded, and a total sweet heart. Why would they bring him to this too? As I drove home, I couldn’t help but wonder to myself if he knew what it that he was doing, or supporting?

After a lot of deep thought on the subject I came to the conclusion and a (bad) analogy that I think best describes this situation. Like my friends kid, a majority of Simi Valley is retarded, plain and simple. Like him, some people in Simi are (generally speaking) well meaning, simple, and soft-spoken people. The people in charge of Simi Valley’s spiritual well being and care however are confusing and misleading them. How else could the decent people of Simi Valley be bamboozled like this? Religion is a powerful thing (/tool/weapon), and in my personal opinion generally speaking a good thing, most of the time. However, when it’s used like an opiate to dumb down and confuse the masses by fundamentalist groups with an ulterior agenda through outright lies (like the crap about school curriculums being changed), well it's just evil... They show that all they're really doing is preying on decent peoples simple beliefs, and essentially all they’re really trying to accomplishing is splitting the vote and the masses (through bipartisanship)… Which may just be their plan, but who knows at this point... All I do know for sure now is what my mom always used to tell us growing up, “You never speak about religion, money, or politics with friends if you want to keep them as friends.” These days I’m finding it harder and harder to keep friends in Simi Valley… She also taught us to be polite and respectful of others beliefs and rights as citizens no matter how differently we felt about them, but I’ll be damned if I’m not getting sick and tired of being polite and considerate of other peoples beliefs and feelings! I’m sick of being subjected to their ideologies, morality, and intolerances. Mostly, I’m just sick of turning the other cheek. If I had been told that I was going to be fighting for something like this when I enlisted, I never would have enlisted in the military to begin with all those years ago. This isn’t my America, and it shouldn’t be yours. Please do yourself a favor and vote NO on Prop 8 tomorrow.

P.S. Like I mentioned above, my idea for the illustration accompanying this post was nuked the moment I spoke to “that family” on the corner, so instead I decided to include a comic I did a while back about “Simi Valley Style”, and well, ‘nuf said…

Mike Rios is not a number, he is a person.

2008-10-12T22:58:00.001-07:00

Identity crisis, I’m kind of in one at the moment. Weird topic post to start a blog off with, I know, especially when you consider that I’ve been agonizing over this post for the last 2 weeks or so since I registered on Blogspot. Whatever, it’s what I’m wrestling with at the moment and something that’s going to greatly impact me as a artist, especially over the next year or so on what I feel to be the eve of my graduation, and as I make important decisions that’ll see me through beyond graduation. Plus, it’s kinda what I want to talk about right now.

So… today I went to the offices of “Bon Appétit” (the magazine) for my Studio Visits Class (a “career visits” type of a class where we visit various types of design or art related studios and businesses). “Bon Appétit” (for those of you not in the know, or too lazy to Google it) is a Magazine that covers and prints cool recipes and techniques for hip thirty-something Foodies. By the way, incase I didn’t already mention it; I’m an Illustration student currently enrolled in the “prestigious” Illustration Department at the Art Center College of Design, a famous design (art) school in the design world, situated in the hills of Pasadena California. Any who, as I was saying, we went to this magazine to talk to one of its Art Directors in order to witness first hand, the internal workings of that particular business. We do these types of visits in this class in the hopes of gaining, you know, some sort of insights and stuff about our eventual chosen career path...

Let me just state that I have no desire right now, or EVER, of doing any type of magazine or editorial work for various personal reasons that I won’t get into right here and now. It just happened to be my luck this week that the powers that be (né the Department Chair) decided that we were going to go to a magazine headquarters for our studio visit this week, JOY. Did I also fail mention that I’m not a Foodie either (don’t get me wrong I love food, I just don’t often have time to cook like that with school)? Yeah, so as you may have guessed my expectations and level of excitement were super high for this week’s particular visit… Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a “Debbie Downer” either, and went in all smiles and open minded; and against all reasonable expectations didn’t expect to get much from this particular visit in the way of sage advice, or even what to expect from my professional career outside of school (what with my refusal to do Editorial work and all). I couldn’t have been more wrong… Thankfully, the Art Director (Tom) was engaging and full of personal incites that easily related to design in general, making for a very pleasant visit when you consider my overall expectation and excitement level coming in. Something that he touched upon several times that I found both troubling and a affirmation for one of the main reasons why I won’t be entering into the world of Editorial Illustration was his insistence that “we” as Illustrators find a “style” and stick to it…

I know, I know, I just went against what it was that I stated above by mentioning a reason why I will not be pursuing a career in Editorial Illustration. You have to understand that this immediately relates to a bigger issue and pressure I currently feel from within the Illustration Design Department at school (which is the track that I’m currently enrolled in within the Illustration Program, solely because it offered me the most freedom in regards to elective choices). You see, the department insists that we, the Illustration Design Students, find a “style” by the time we graduate and stick to it! This would be kosher and dandy if everyone in Illustration Design was going to do Editorial Illustration after graduation, however times have changed. I firmly believe that magazine budgets have shrunk in accordance with their accompanying sizes (when was the last time any of you picked up a magazine by the way? Is it just me or are my weekly “Entertainment Weekly” magazines getting slimmer and slimmer as time marches on?). This is due in large part to things like the internet and blogs. Because of this (and still many more issues I promise I won’t get into right now), many of my peers in the department are questioning the viability of a career in Editorial Illustration in the future. Especially when you consider the large amount of debt the average Art Center student incurs, while enrolled at the Art Center College of Design, which is somewhere north of $100k. Last time I checked the median salary of an illustrator was about $30k, should they be so lucky in these uncertain economic times…

Therefore, I feel this idea of “Editorial Illustration” being the domain of Illustrators analogous to an outdated romantic and overtly simple way of thinking or looking at design, which is what we’re essentially being taught. As this is occurring, I can’t help but feel like the Illustration Department doesn’t know what to do with the Illustration Design students in these uncertain times, or how to market us. This idea of “Illustrators” as Editorial Illustrators seems to be further compounded and propagated by some instructors and staff in the department who refuse to change with the times. Whatever the case, things are changing at such a fast pace now, both in a technological sense and in regards to the roles that “Illustrators” now occupy, that this is going to have to change sooner rather than later. Especially when you consider that more and more Illustrators are now straddling both what has been “Traditionally” considered the Illustration world and now the Fine Art Gallery world (and Graphic world for that matter). That is why I personally find this train of thought to be extremely stifling when it comes to my creativity.

As I’ve spent more and more time at the Art center these last few years it’s become painfully apparent to me that I honestly don’t have it in me to do what they’re asking me to do. I like to work in different types of media and styles too much, slipping from one into the other like a person would with different pairs of pants. Sometimes what I draw or silkscreen doesn’t always translate very well or exactly the same way into whatever it maybe that I’m working on in one of my sculptures or short films. I also really like to research things and think things (like my concepts or ideas) through in exhaustive detail. Sometimes while researching I find things like images, historical reference, or events in current pop culture that color my method and work in often-different deliberate, and sometimes unexpected ways. Does that necessarily mean that I have no sense of design, or in simpler Illustration Department terms, lack some sort of perspective? No. I definitely have a strong voice (some friends would say I’m overtly “opinionated”) and design aesthetic that carries a aesthetic thread, or fingerprint if you like, through all of my work. I also firmly believe in intelligent design. Everything I design and put in my work is with a exclusive intent of purpose, and NEVER designed with out deep thought or consideration! I firmly believe that I’ve been a pretty good student of design up to this point, and have tried to be a sponge while at the school, and outside of school while examining this world I live in. Isn’t that enough?

I guess it boils down to a disagreement in fundamental beliefs about an Illustrators role in the worlds of design and art, and to a bigger extent the labels associated with that title. I’m now at the point in my career where I firmly believe that the concept, or idea that the piece of art or design that I’m making is more important than the technique itself. That’s the true value of what it is that I bring to my art or design, and uniquely mine. I’ve been feeling this way for a while now, and really tried to squash that “feeling” in the beginning, much in the same way I’m sure some people try to hide their homosexuality in the beginning before coming out in some sort of misplaced shame… I guess I first started to notice it a while ago while agonizing over a project I had in a class with the Clayton brothers. I felt at one point that I was loosing both ownership and the concept of my idea to them, and had a break down. I had to re-own it. I had to make the concept of the piece in question mine. I had to make the message and idea my own. I spent the better part of a month researching and thinking about my concept, often times in deep meditation. Generally, most traditionally trained “Illustrators” don’t do this to this extent (they don’t have the luxury to do so with deadlines and such!). Most “Illustrators” I’m sure don’t have this dialogue to the extent I did/do internally. Am I a closeted “Fine Artist”? I’m not sure. I guess I should have know something was up when a friend enrolled in the Fine Art Department at school recently told me that I have a fine art sensibility in regards to my work and method…

The most telling moment was at the end of my 6^th term review about eight months ago. During my 6^th term review both the Illustration Chair and the Instructor accompanying her (who helped her give me my review) suggested I look into graduate school for a Masters degree in Fine Art. The funny thing now thinking about it was that it felt more like an admonishment or accusation than a recommendation. I didn’t really care then, and kind of dismissed it. What was another label at this point, right? Turning it over and over in my head now, it just doesn’t seem to be the answer to the question that now haunts me. In the long run, whatever I decide, I guess it’s better than being known as “that guy who draws the naïve looking figures with that funny looking squiggly line” for years on end. In the grand scheme of things I’d much rather be that guy who makes art and designs with great ideas behind them that people can engage with on both a aesthetic and cognitive level. I hope that in the future I can choose to execute my art and designs, with whatever label and “style” I choose I feel that particular project needs determined on a project-to-project basis. To paraphrase a line from an episode of South Park, I guess that makes me “a little bit Rock ‘n Roll” and the Department Chair of the Illustration Department "a little bit Country", and hopefully like the townspeople of South Park in that same episode I’ll be able to “have my cake and eat it too”.